Posts tagged love
What no one is telling you about dating.
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I work amongst a sea of colleagues, many of which I hold in high esteem. However, the dating "industry" is flawed. So many are trying to sell a magical solution. A way to solve all problems in 6 weeks, 3 months, a weekend... Just read this book, take this class, attend this retreat and all your worries will leave you. Even more, Mr./Ms. Right will arrive on cue. The problem isn't that they don't believe that it can happen, or that it won't work for some, it's that it will never work for all.

Just like diets, there is no one size fits all advice for dating. We are all so intricately different. Our emotions, our reactions, our desires. All so varied.

So here's the secret....there is no secret formula that we have and you don't. We don't have a magic wand to create chemistry, the perfect opportunities, or love.

All I have as a coach is the ability to work with you to discover what within you would create the best environment for love to grow. That's it.

My "secret" formula? It's not so secret. I truly believe that lasting healthy love comes down to three things. There's no guarantee that the man or woman of your dreams will knock on your door when you've completed them, but you'll be ready if they do.

So here they are: - Learn to love yourself - Be open to love from others - Release attachments of an expected outcome

Everything else? It's marketing. I've said it before, but it's worth repeating. We have no control over when love arrives in our life. It's magic. All we have is the ability to put ourselves in a position where it will stay.

Fear sucks.
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You would think I would have the market cornered on getting past my fears. I wrote a book on being fearless. I gave a TED talk on killing fear. I do things every day that scare me. You would think I'd be immune! Or at least less effected. I wish.

I'm in a beautiful relationship with an amazing man, and there are times that I am terrified. WHAT?! How is that even possible? Doesn't love remove all fear? Isn't it the magic bullet that makes everything perfect?

Loving someone and allowing yourself to be loved can be the scariest thing you'll ever do. The vulnerability it takes to love is unbelievably frightening. What if I get hurt? What if they leave? Oh the possibilities of pain and heartbreak...it makes you wonder why we all seek this!

Then I remember why. Because there is nothing more beautiful than being with someone who gets you. Because life is so much brighter when you have someone to share it with. Because there is no greater gift in this world than to feel love for another, and feel loved in return.

I acknowledge my fear, but I don't let it control me. I understand that my past, my insecurities, and my lack of control are scary when it comes to being vulnerable and loving. And I do it anyway.

Overcoming your fears takes practice, whether its a fear of putting yourself out there, taking chances, or loving fully. We all have a choice. We can run and hide, or face our fears head on, and have the possibility of amazing love and an amazing life.

Acknowledge, accept, and overcome.