How to Stop Dating the Same Person

I've been there. I know you have too. You end up dating the same person. Over and over and over again.

Sure, they may have a variety of names or live in various cities, but that's where the differences end.

Maybe they're all emotionally unavailable or narcissists. Perhaps you have a penchant for bad boys or, alternatively, pushovers.

No matter your affinity, if it's not working it's time to break the cycle.

How do you stop dating the same type of person over and over again?

Become Aware - Simply recognizing your pattern can make a huge impact. Reflect on your last three relationships. Write down the top characteristics of your partner. Reflect on how the relationships made you feel.

Get Real - Now that you've identified these consistent qualities, stop rationalizing them! We are unbelievably talented at ignoring red flags when they are masked by an attractive exterior. Start being honest with yourself.

Dig Deep - So you've dated five emotionally unavailable men in a row, now what? Take some time for introspection on your "why". If you find it hard to pinpoint the reason for your decisionmaking, I highly suggest getting to the bottom of it with a coach or therapist. My Unlock Love course may be a great option.

Take Control - Our patterns repeat because we are set to autopilot. We aren't dating intentionally. We accept whatever (or whoever) comes our way. No longer. You are not only an active participant in your love life, you are in control! Stop settling.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Why You Should Ask for Help

There are some things that I am really good at. Napping, driving too fast, and making penne a la vodka to name a few. Actually, that may be an exhaustive list.

Do you want to know something I am not good at? Asking for help.

It's actually painful for me to ask people to help me. I need to be desperate to reach out.

This week I am finishing up my book proposal. I sent it to a few agents, and they told me I needed names of people with followings that would promote the book. Publishers would require it.

I'm lucky to count some pretty influential people as friends, but asking them to help sell my book? Ugh. Please, anything but that.

But I did. I wrote an email to 32 of my friends explaining the situation. I put them all in BCC and created a mass email so that no one would feel singled out or pressured to respond. I tried to be as self-deprecating as possible with an extra dose of humility for good measure.

You know what happened? 29 people wrote back within 24 hours saying HELL YES. Not just, "sure Rachel, I guess I can do that", but with messages of support that made me cry.

They wanted to help me. They wanted to support me. I just had to ask.

I doubt I'll ever be the person who feels comfortable asking for help. However, this experience taught me that if there is something that I truly believe in (like my book) or something that I really need, friends will WANT to support me, and it's ok to ask.

What do you need help with? Who is ready, willing, and able to support you? Don't be afraid to ask.