Posts tagged create
What no one is telling you about dating.

I work amongst a sea of colleagues, many of which I hold in high esteem. However, the dating "industry" is flawed. So many are trying to sell a magical solution. A way to solve all problems in 6 weeks, 3 months, a weekend... Just read this book, take this class, attend this retreat and all your worries will leave you. Even more, Mr./Ms. Right will arrive on cue. The problem isn't that they don't believe that it can happen, or that it won't work for some, it's that it will never work for all.

Just like diets, there is no one size fits all advice for dating. We are all so intricately different. Our emotions, our reactions, our desires. All so varied.

So here's the secret....there is no secret formula that we have and you don't. We don't have a magic wand to create chemistry, the perfect opportunities, or love.

All I have as a coach is the ability to work with you to discover what within you would create the best environment for love to grow. That's it.

My "secret" formula? It's not so secret. I truly believe that lasting healthy love comes down to three things. There's no guarantee that the man or woman of your dreams will knock on your door when you've completed them, but you'll be ready if they do.

So here they are: - Learn to love yourself - Be open to love from others - Release attachments of an expected outcome

Everything else? It's marketing. I've said it before, but it's worth repeating. We have no control over when love arrives in our life. It's magic. All we have is the ability to put ourselves in a position where it will stay.

Let it go.

I like to be in control. I'm not going deny it. I'm a big fan of creating plans, knowing what is going to happen, and when. The times that I have no control, knowledge, or plan? Well, that is just plain scary! It's anxiety producing.

There are so many areas of our lives that we pretend we have control over, but we don't. So why do we become anxious over something that we can't plan?

Love cannot be controlled.

Finding someone to love is easy. Finding someone to love, that loves you, and wants the same future? That can be challenging.

Even with all the coaching in the world, there will always be an element of fate involved when it comes to love. My greatest loves arrived without me looking, or even being aware. They showed up because I was open, happy, and relaxed. Not because I followed rules, or had a formula.

It's time we all let it go. Create a space for love in your life. Be open. Do things that make the possibility of finding love more likely. Do the work on yourself.

Just don't try to control love. When it starts to feel like work, it's time to step back and just be.

Be love and find love. Let it all go, and believe that you are exactly where you are meant to be. There is a greater plan out there than you could ever imagine.