The Empathy Gap That’s Quietly Hurting Your Team
We often talk about empathy as a leadership virtue.
But what if the real issue isn’t a lack of empathy—it’s that we don’t believe others have it?
According to brand-new research from Stanford University, published in Nature Human Behavior (October 2025), people consistently underestimate how empathic others actually are.
In the study, young adults who assumed their peers “wouldn’t understand” were more withdrawn, less engaged, and reported fewer friendships. But when researchers corrected those assumptions—through a simple dorm-wide poster reading “95% of your peers would comfort someone in distress”—connection skyrocketed.
Social risk-taking increased by 11%, and peer outreach jumped 90% within three weeks.
All because people realized: others actually do care.
Why It Matters for Leaders
The same “empathy perception gap” plays out every day at work.
Leaders assume employees don’t want to share personal challenges. Employees assume leaders don’t have the time—or the heart—to care. And both sides retreat into professionalism instead of connection.
That quiet disconnection costs more than culture. It chips away at trust, motivation, and engagement—especially in hybrid and high-pressure environments where it’s easier than ever to stay distant.
But just like those Stanford students, teams thrive when they’re reminded that empathy is the norm, not the exception.
How to Close the Gap on Your Team
1. Say what you see. Don’t assume people know you care—tell them. Recognition, gratitude, and check-ins go further than you think.
2. Normalize emotion. When you acknowledge stress, frustration, or uncertainty, you create permission for honesty instead of performance.
3. Lead with curiosity, not control. Empathy starts with understanding. Ask how your team is really doing before jumping to solutions.
4. Make care visible. Whether it’s celebrating wins or showing up for losses, the small moments of presence build belonging.
The Leadership Shift
Empathy isn’t just soft—it’s strategic. When people feel seen and supported, collaboration rises, innovation follows, and retention strengthens.
The most relatable leaders aren’t just emotionally intelligent; they make empathy obvious.
Because connection doesn’t start with more care. It starts with reminding people it already exists.
Rachel DeAlto is a keynote speaker on communication and leadership and author of The Relatable Leader: Create a Culture of Connection (Post Hill Press, 2025). She helps organizations build trust, belonging, and engagement through relatable leadership.