Soulmates…destiny….fate… Is there one person out in the universe that was made especially for you? Do you have a list of 15 qualities that you know your soulmate will possess? Are you convinced that if you keep looking, you will know them when you see them? 

You see, these beliefs concern me as a dating coach and matchmaker. I was recently invited on Live from the Couch to discuss whether soulmates exist (video below), and the segment really got me thinking about how damaging believing in your one and only can be. I don’t want you to remain single and looking for a unicorn, when there are amazing potential mates all around you. That doesn’t mean I want you  to abandon all of your needs, or force yourself to fall in love with the next person with a heartbeat. It does mean, that I want you to get real. Here are some things to keep in mind when you are out there looking for your “one”:

1. Humans have a tremendous capacity for love – We have many (many!) “soul mates”. There are an infinite number of people on this earth that you can connect with, build a fantastic relationship with, and call your soul mate. Anyone who has had more than one “great love” or has become a parent to more than one child, knows that the one love isn’t any better or worse (or less soulful) than the other – they are just different.

2. The concept of “soulmate” is emotionally dangerous for singles. Those who believe that there is ONE person in the universe for them can lead a very lonely life. They will continue to disregard potential amazing partners in search of a unicorn. Once they realize unicorns (and their ideal “soulmate”) don’t exist, it is too late to salvage prior opportunities. Consider a young widow? Is she destined to be alone forever if she loses her soulmate?

4. Focus on the values. Date those that meet your core values, don’t focus on the butterflies. Butterflies are a physical reaction to often a physical appearance or chemistry. Chemistry does not equal soul mate. Those butterflies can wane, but if you meet and marry someone with the same core values as you, your love will last. 

5. Realize the power of your mind. If you believe that there is one person, and only one person that is meant to be your soulmate, no one else will ever match up. Those that are with amazing partners may not appreciate their relationship because of a fantasy that someone greater was out there, but they settled. Those thoughts could be subconsciously destroying an awesome relationship.

What do you think? Do you believe in soul mates? Are you committed to waiting for “the one”?

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