Month: December 2014

Suffering from a holiday hangover?

I think I have a hangover. No, not from alcohol, I chose to eat my calories this week. I have a love hangover. Even if you are single over the holidays, the time with friends and family can be overwhelmingly filling. Being surrounded by people who love and care about you, exchanging gifts, and sharing many (overly indulgent) meals together is an amazing gift of the holiday season.

The tough part are the days after. Like me, I’m sure you want that full of love feeling all year round! Who wouldn’t?

So this week I am going to nurse my hangover with self love. What does that look like? Glad you asked!

My hangover prescription:
– Move your body daily – I don’t know about you, but I am nearing a sugar overdose with my mom’s cookies. My goal is to move every day. Not just because I want to fit in my jeans, but because working out is the most natural mood booster. Even walking 30 minutes a day can change everything.

– Gratitude journalling – I’ve been slacking on this, and during a season where there is SO much to be grateful for! Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I’m going to use one of my Christmas gifts (thank you Bex!), to reflect on all of my blessings. Every day.

– Be compassionate – I’m always talking about compassion for others, but it starts with us. Understand that it’s ok to be bummed out on occasion. Don’t beat yourself up for past choices. Give yourself a break, and be as loving to YOU as you are your best friend.

– Stay hopeful – I know that my life is meant to be amazing, and filled with amazing people. Stay hopeful that God is conspiring in your favor. It may not happen on demand or along your timeline, but it WILL happen.

Sending you so much love!

PS. I’m offering a New Year’s Jumpstart program for all who want to start 2015 off in the best possible position to find love. My goal is to remove the blocks that are keeping you from finding and keeping amazing love through a combination of techniques including hypnotherapy and traditional coaching methods. We will also create practical tangible plans to put you in the best position to meet your partner.

Through December 31st I am offering a limited number of jumpstart packages, which includes 3 coaching sessions, an online dating profile review/rewrite, and 6 weeks of text/email access for $697. Email info@racheldealto.com to secure your spot!

 

What no one is telling you about dating.

I work amongst a sea of colleagues, many of which I hold in high esteem. However, the dating “industry” is flawed. So many are trying to sell a magical solution. A way to solve all problems in 6 weeks, 3 months, a weekend… Just read this book, take this class, attend this retreat and all your worries will leave you. Even more, Mr./Ms. Right will arrive on cue.

The problem isn’t that they don’t believe that it can happen, or that it won’t work for some, it’s that it will never work for all.

Just like diets, there is no one size fits all advice for dating. We are all so intricately different. Our emotions, our reactions, our desires. All so varied.

So here’s the secret….there is no secret formula that we have and you don’t. We don’t have a magic wand to create chemistry, the perfect opportunities, or love.

All I have as a coach is the ability to work with you to discover what within you would create the best environment for love to grow. That’s it.

My “secret” formula? It’s not so secret. I truly believe that lasting healthy love comes down to three things. There’s no guarantee that the man or woman of your dreams will knock on your door when you’ve completed them, but you’ll be ready if they do.

So here they are:
– Learn to love yourself
– Be open to love from others
– Release attachments of an expected outcome

Everything else? It’s marketing. I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating. We have no control over when love arrives in our life. It’s magic. All we have is the ability to put ourselves in a position where it will stay.

Fear sucks.

You would think I would have the market cornered on getting past my fears. I wrote a book on being fearless. I gave a TED talk on killing fear. I do things every day that scare me. You would think I’d be immune! Or at least less effected.

I wish.

I’m in a beautiful relationship with an amazing man, and there are times that I am terrified. WHAT?! How is that even possible? Doesn’t love remove all fear? Isn’t it the magic bullet that makes everything perfect?

Loving someone and allowing yourself to be loved can be the scariest thing you’ll ever do. The vulnerability it takes to love is unbelievably frightening. What if I get hurt? What if they leave? Oh the possibilities of pain and heartbreak…it makes you wonder why we all seek this!

Then I remember why. Because there is nothing more beautiful than being with someone who gets you. Because life is so much brighter when you have someone to share it with. Because there is no greater gift in this world than to feel love for another, and feel loved in return.

I acknowledge my fear, but I don’t let it control me. I understand that my past, my insecurities, and my lack of control are scary when it comes to being vulnerable and loving. And I do it anyway.

Overcoming your fears takes practice, whether its a fear of putting yourself out there, taking chances, or loving fully. We all have a choice. We can run and hide, or face our fears head on, and have the possibility of amazing love and an amazing life.

Acknowledge, accept, and overcome.

What’s your story?

What are you telling yourself that is holding you back from having everything you desire? What destructive words circle in your mind?

I’m not good enough.

I’m not worthy of love.

Love is pain.

Love never lasts.

Recently I had the honor hosting an amazing workshop with my friend Christine Hassler in connection with her new book Expectation Hangover. The room was filled with beautiful men and women who were beyond brave in sharing their stories. What came through so clearly was how so many of us have created a story that does not serve us. Stories that tell us that we can’t have amazing love. Stories that tell us we aren’t worthy. Stories that keep us from listening to our gut.

Your experiences shape you, but how are you allowing them to create your future?

It’s time to create a new story. It’s time to release the thought patterns that have held you back. Only you have the power to draft a new script.

So what is it that you really want? And what is it that is in the way of you getting what you truly desire?

Take the time this week to write out your new story. What does your life look like if those thoughts are released? How do you feel? Who are you surrounded by? Create a story that allows you to remember how amazing, loved, and worthy you truly are.

You are worthy of a re-write.

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