Month: July 2014

Chemistry smemistry

A couple weeks ago I went on my first matchmaker set up date by a friend in the industry. We were at a conference together and she just HAD to set me up with a guy who was a prospective client. She described his energy more than his physical appearance and I was intrigued! Sexy, strong, manly, and confident? Sure, sign me up!

We went out, and he was nothing like I normally date looks-wise. Not even close. We had a great date though, and spent 4 hours laughing and connecting. There was a decent kiss at the end, and then nothing. For days. Weird. I reached out to my matchmaker friend for feedback (a definite bonus of this service, there is always closure!) and apparently he didn’t think there was enough chemistry. Ouch! Enough chemistry for what? To run off and get married? Sure, I’ll agree with that one. Not even enough to go on a second date? Well, that’s just lame.

You see, I’ve had my fair share of terrible first dates, and I know through my clients what a terrible first date looks like. You have NOTHING to say to each other. You know you want to leave before the bread basket hits the table. An hour is painfully long.

I also know what a great first date looks like! You are never at a loss for words. You laugh, you listen, your food tastes better, and you leave with a smile on your face.

So how does chemistry fit into all this?

Chemistry is an intangible connection. Primarily physical, that draws you subconsciously to someone. It’s hard to define, easily shaken, and equally possible to grow and lose. Have you ever met someone you really liked, had amazing chemistry with them, and then realized they were an awful person? That chemistry wanes. On the flip side, have you ever met someone, felt NO chemistry, and then felt a pull once you got to know them? It grows all the time.

What I learned from my mismatch is two fold: 1) We are way too quick to judge on a first date. Waaaay too quick. A second (or third) date with someone you have will never kill you. At the least, you could end up with a new friend. 2) Be open to people who are not your type. I ran into my date online, and I can tell you honestly that if he messaged me, I would have ignored him. It’s not nice to say, but it’s true. Having met him in person, my perception of him changed completely. Be open to connecting with people who don’t fit your mold.

Chemistry is great to have, even essential. My plea is that you give it a chance to grow.

What’s Your “But You”?

I’m single. I’m dating. I have two kids. No less than four times in the past few weeks I have had people say to me, “…but you have kids! Isn’t it really hard to find someone that’s willing to accept them?” My own brother said over brunch that he wouldn’t date a woman with kids unless the dad was completely out of the picture. Um. Thanks.

The truth? It has never been an issue. Sure, those extra humans at my side don’t make it easier to find love, but they aren’t getting in the way of it either. I attract people who realize that me being a mother makes me a better partner. I know how to be selfless. I know how to love unconditionally. I know how to prioritize my life so that someone other than me feels safe, secure, and loved. I am 1000x a better woman because of them, and I will be 1000x a better wife.

What’s your but you?

It doesn’t have to be children. It could be your age, weight, an illness, a circumstance. Why allow your but you to define how you attract love? Think about what it has taught you. Thank your but you for making you who you are. Perfectly imperfect, and completely worthy of love.

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