Month: January 2014

Why Vulnerability is HOT

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“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.” ― Brené Brown 

I recently spent time with a guy friend of mine. Someone that I have had a connection with for quite a while. He is awesome. Cracks me up, keeps me on my toes (ie. calls me out on my BS), and is easy on the eyes. There is absolutely chemistry. My friend has made it clear in the past that he is interested, and as much as I like him and am attracted to him, I could never be in a relationship with him. Why you ask? Because of the  massive wall around his heart. He is afraid to tell people how he feels. He thinks pretending not to care is a safer path. Sure I could try to be “that girl” that breaks it down, but at what cost? Have you ever been in a relationship where one person is open, fearless, and ready, while the other is closed, guarded, and scared of hurt? It doesn’t usually work.

There is power in vulnerability. There is LOVE in vulnerability. Taking the risk to show your heart to someone is terrifying, but the reward is unbelievably amazing. Vulnerability is HOT.

You see, for all of his great qualities, my friend is missing one of the most important things necessary to make a real, loving, relationship work. If you can’t let your guard down, stop playing games, and let yourself (your REAL self) be seen, you can never experience love the way it was meant to be. Honest, open, secure, and healthy.

My plea to you? Be vulnerable. Allow yourself to feel every emotion, and find someone prepared to protect your heart when you place it in their hands.


I’ll Just Wait Until I’m Perfect to Date

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Perfection. What is perfect anyway? I’ll tell you. It’s a unicorn. Yep, we are talking unicorns again, because there is NO SUCH THING as being perfect, and sadly, unicorns aren’t real. No such thing and no such person. So why are you chasing perfection? Why are you putting so much pressure on yourself to be “perfect” before you feel dateable?

I have 10 extra pounds on me that I am not a fan of. We aren’t friends. They weren’t invited, and have overextended their stay. One day they might leave, hopefully. However, until then, I am not going to stop living my life. I am not going to hide at home. There is NOTHING that it stops me from doing, other than reaching for (more) cookies. I’m not going to stop dating though.

I see singles all the time that put off dating for a variety of irrelevant reasons: I need to lose weight, I have to grow out this terrible haircut, my clothes are terrible, I hate my nose, and so on to infinity. There are good reasons to put off dating, including self-awareness and taking time to heal a heartbreak, but never something superficial.

Sure, appearances can matter, BUT your attitude far outshines your nose. My confidence and love of life makes those ten pounds invisible, and if someone DOES see them, that is their problem not mine.

Learn to love yourself as you are. Today. Not an idealized version of the “perfect” you. That version may never appear, and then where are you? There is a lid for every pot, and your lid (or pot depending on your preference) isn’t going to care about your bad haircut, they are going to love your amazing heart.

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