The focus of this week’s workshops was how you can be your own matchmaker. As a matchmaker in the NYC and NJ area, I know exactly how tough it can be out there for singles. Matchmaking is great option, but it can be expensive! I wanted to show them what I do, so they could do it themselves, for FREE.
Here are the three steps I shared to becoming your own matchmaker:
1. Prepare to Match Yourself – In getting ready to find your match, the most important thing to do is to manage your own expectations, and get your attitude in check. What are you expecting from partner? Who are you expecting to meet? Keeping your expectations in check is essential for all daters. Do you have a 19 point list, or are you open to meeting anyone you could be compatible with? Every qualification you set on a potential mate limits the amount of people in your dating pool. Decide what you NEED, and eliminate the rest. In regards to your attidue, positiviity is key! No one is looking for someone miserable. Developing a pre-matching mindset of openness and positivity is so important. Feeling down on dating? Convinced that there are no good men/women out there? It may be time to take a detox and focus on you until your positivity returns.
2. Finding Your Match – I am asked daily, “where do I meet people?”, and the answer is everywhere! However, the better question is, “where do I go to find the man/woman I am looking to meet?”. As a matchmaker, I go out a LOT and meet a ton of people with the intent of finding potential matches for my clients. If my client is looking for a woman that is focused on health, I go to yoga classes and seminars on healthy eating. If my client is looking for a man in the financial industry, I head to Wall Street at happy hour. The goal is not to go where YOU want to go, but to go to the places that your match might be. Think of your perfect mate, and then ask yourself where he/she is spending time. Meetup.com is one of my favorite resources for opening up those possibilities. Looking for a guy that loves to hike? Join a hiking meetup. Want a woman that loves fine wines? There are hundreds of wine connoisseur meetups available.
3. Pacing the Relationship – Part of being a matchmaker is being on call when that budding relationship is the most fragile. You met your potential soul mate, but you are afraid of it burning out or cooling off too quickly. Pacing in a new relationship is key! As a matchmaker my goal isn’t to find my client’s their next fling, but their next life partner. This requires a foundation of love and trust – which doesn’t develop overnight. So in order to pace yourself as your own matchmaker, you need to remind yourself of three things:
1) Sex cannot be reduced to an arbitrary “rule”
2) Let the guys lead
3) Just keep dating
Experts have hundreds of opposing opinions on sex in a new relationship. My “rule”? Get to know them first, and know yourself before you jump in bed. Sex can escalate a relationship from 0-60 before it is ready. Dating them for a bit before things heat up will prevent you from attaching artificial hormonal feelings (hello oxytocin!) to someone you have been on two dates with. Secondly, ladies – let the men lead! Men are biologically hunters, and when you are always the one texting, emailing, calling, and planning, you take that away from them (and often scare them away). Let the man set the pace, and don’t one up him in the early stages. Third, until you are in an exclusive relationship, keep dating other people. This will keep the pressure off the budding relationship you are dying to work, and provide you with more than one egg in your proverbial basket.
Good luck, and let me know how you do!!